I like you, Stan Van Gundy. I like you a lot.
No, that’s not right.
I love you, Stan Van Gundy. I love you like I love no one else in sports.
How could I not? Yesterday you called Brendan Haywood out for punching Dwight Howard, which is ridiculous and probably inaccurate. A few days ago you said the idea that Kentucky could beat a professional basketball team was “absurd,” echoing the sentiments of everyone who loves this game. When the Raptors reached the 100-point free pizza mark to a flurry of cheers during your team’s 117-101 road win, you laughed at the Toronto crowd for their shamelessness. Most awesomely of all, amidst the Dwight Howard-centered rumors that ran rampant during the trade deadline, you remarked, “If Dwight wants to fire me - fire me.” That’s so cool. You’re so cool.
You speak your mind, Stan Van Gundy. You don’t care about fines. You don’t care what anyone thinks of you. You don’t care if Otis Smith fires your ass. You’re Howard Beale and you’re killing yourself on air and it’s amazing. I hope your ending is different, but really, what can you do to top all of this?
I’m thinking a Van Gundy Bros podcast, maybe. It would almost surely be wholly unlistenable but it would also be my favorite thing ever. If that doesn’t suit you, maybe you could go after another coaching job? I don’t want you to go insane because I care about you, I do, but how entertaining would it be if you worked under Michael Jordan and the rest of the dysfunctional members of the Bobcats organization? Or how about the Lakers? Imagine the fights you and Kobe would get in to. You’d be hated by one small but also very large section of the world but loved by the rest. What if you coached an NFL team? I’m not sure of your football knowledge, but your hypothetical battles with Roger Goodell would reignite my appreciation for America’s most popular snuff film.
Whatever you do, though, please continue to be yourself. It’s been refreshing. Also hilarious.